Based on the talk, “Only Upon the Principles of
Righteousness,” by Elder Larry Y. Wilson, spring, 2012 General Conference of
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints,
On Sunday, 1 July, I was asked by the First Counselor of my
Bishopric to select a talk from the church’s General Conference, and do a
15-minute presentation on it. I got my
copy of The Ensign magazine and started looking at talks. I read a dozen or more, but was drawn
repeatedly to the one by Elder Larry Y. Wilson.
At first, it didn’t interest me, and it seemed that the title didn’t
really represent what was in the talk. By
Wednesday, however, I had firmly selected this talk as the basis for my
own. Over the next three days, I read
Elder Wilson’s talk several more times, along with the referenced Scriptures.
The more I studied, the more strongly I felt that I’d made the right decision. This is the script from which I spoke, but
there were a few departures, mostly 1-off or collateral connections I made at
the time.
Rebsarge
Elder Wilson’s talk had two main themes: the fallacy of pretending that the priesthood
confers any authority or power over others, and that the exercise of dominion
over others can be very harmful to them.
He began with a story about being a newlywed, and telling
his bride she was driving too fast. She asked what made him think he had the
right to tell her how to drive.
He said
he believed his position as her husband and the priesthood holder in her house
gave him that right.
He assures us that
she convinced him in pretty short order that he was mistaken.
D&C (Doctrine and Covenants) 121:39 informs us that, “We
have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost
all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will
immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.”
The history of mankind bears this out.
We know that The Adversary’s plan for us
involved unrighteous dominion, and I wonder if his affinity for it is why he
has crafted it into one of the most irresistible temptations for us – one that
comes to us so naturally as to seem almost reflexive and subconscious.
Elder Wilson says, “Women, too may exercise
unrighteous dominion, though the Scriptures identify the problem especially
with men.”
There is one point on which I
have observed that women bear at least an equal part of the fault, and I will
bring it up in turn.
The history of America gives us an excellent example of how
easily we fall into unrighteous dominion.
In 1613, a Portuguese ship with a cargo of kidnapped Africans was blown
off course and landed at Jamestown. The ship’s master struck a deal with the
colonists and delivered to them the Africans.
The first documents indicate that the Africans were considered
indentured servants who would be freed after 7 years.
However, in less than 7 years, legal
documents from the colony began referring to, “Persons born to servitude.”
Not, “IN” servitude, but, “TO” it.
We all know where it went from there.
In such a short time, those Bible-reading,
praying, God-fearing men and women embraced human slavery where it had not
existed before.
Among the literature of the world’s churches, the restored
Gospel of the Book of Mormon is the most consistent and outspoken critic of
unrighteous dominion.
It doesn’t just
leave us with a, “Thou shalt not,” it gives us a very clear, “Thou shalt.”
D&C 121:41 – “No power or influence can
or ought to be maintained by virtue of the Priesthood, only by persuasion, by
long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned.”
Verse 43 even tells us how to handle situations when it is
appropriate to rebuff someone:
“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost;
and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast
reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy.”
I have a personal testimony that The Adversary will use His skill at
mimicking the Holy Ghost to make reproving others – and with more than mere
sharpness – seem like a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
In my experience, this is most likely to
occur when others have refused our “…persuasion… long-suffering… gentleness and
meekness, and [our] love unfeigned.”
Whatever the problem was, it still is, and we are left with the choice
of backing down and accepting something we believe to be wrong, or taking a
more
hard-line approach.
I urge you to beware of this trap, because it
can suck you in before you know it, and the results can be catastrophic:
broken hearts, and even spirits – shattered
relationships that ought to have been eternal.
The second part of Elder Wilson’s talk concerns the effects
of dominion on those for whom we bear the responsibility of teaching.
He spoke primarily of our children, but these
principles are true for anyone we are trying to teach or lead.
Genesis tells us that we are created in God’s image,
intellectually as well as physically. This gift of agency is beyond price!
If the objective of this life is to prove
ourselves worthy to return to the presence of Heavenly Father, we absolutely must
have that agency.
If we were compelled
to do what He wished us to do, there would be no proving to it, and we might as
well skip the whole mortal experience.
From 2 Nephi: 11 and 15 we know that there must needs be opposition in
all things, otherwise we could never tell one thing from any other.
Our senses work by differentiation, or
discrimination – light and dark, hot and cold, good and evil, freedom and
compulsion.
Without our agency we could make
no decisions; we’d be like instinct-driven animals, and there could be no
growth or learning.
The Priesthood allows us to have the counsel of the Holy
Ghost, which facilitates discernment, evaluation, and decision-making.
As fathers and husbands, we can use the first
two of these to the advantage of our families.
The decision-making only applies to our children before they are able to
take it over for themselves, and we can all speak about this with great
conviction; we can quote chapter and verse about it; but recognizing the point
where they are ready to take the wheel is a little tougher.
In the case of our wives, none of the three apply, and even
hinting that they do can bring about Armageddon.
(Armageddon is a great name for a couch,
don’t you think?)
Now, if the wife
actually asks for our input on something, I suppose it would be okay to offer
it, but Elder Wilson kept his talk rooted firmly in Gospel principles, and did
not wander into fantasy.
There is an old saying that experience is the best teacher.
It’s baloney.
A more accurate proverb is
that experience is what allows us to recognize a mistake when we make it a
second time.
Experience teaches nothing, except maybe first
aid.
It is the evaluation of experience
that teaches us, and then only if we are open to the lesson.
If we decide to do something, and it goes
bad, we have the opportunity to evaluate our decision and come to the
conclusion that it was not at all what we’d intended, and that we will do it
different next time.
That’s what it
means to, “learn from experience,” but having the experience does not guarantee
learning.
If we did not make the
decision that led to the experience, we have little or
nothing to learn, unless maybe that we shouldn’t let other people make our
decisions for us.
Sadly, many, many
people are emotionally incapable of recognizing their own part in bad
experiences.
At every step in the process:
information gathering, evaluating, deciding,
and acting, if anything interferes with the exercise of our agency, the whole
thing comes to naught.
The purpose of
our mortal existence has been thwarted.
We must let our children begin to make their own decisions as they
become capable.
The hard part, though,
is in standing aside and letting them reap the consequence of their
decisions.
If they don’t feel the sting
or the exaltation, the opportunity is lost.
This is the point at which some mothers exercise unrighteous dominion by
falling into a trap that also takes many fathers. That trap is in shielding a
child from the real consequences of their decisions, and it is every bit as
seductive and powerful as any other. Not only does it keep the child from
learning about the decision, it also keeps the child from learning to trust in
the counsel of the Holy Ghost, and this may be one of the worst things we can
do to our kids.
Elder Wilson quoted Brigham Young thus:
“Were I to draw a distinction in all the
duties that are required of the children of men… I would place first and
foremost the duty of seeking unto the Lord our God until we open the path of
communication from heaven to earth – from God to our own souls.”
Unrighteous dominion is not just bossing people around.
It is also standing between them and reality,
usually under the false impression that we are protecting or helping them.
Sisters, watch out for this one, because that
old mama bear impulse is awfully strong.
You, too have the gift of the Holy Ghost to guide and counsel you.
Letting your children see you use it, and
teaching them that they can do the same will protect them better than anything
else you can do.
One of the more subtle ways we exercise unrighteous dominion
is through giving others false choices.
Instead of saying, “Clean your room or get grounded; it’s your choice,”
some people will say, “Clean your room or I’ll know you don’t love me.”
I have heard, from a trusted source, that some
women have become adept at sending others on no-expenses-paid guilt trips. Just
because you offer a choice doesn’t mean you aren’t building fences where there
shouldn’t be any.
A pattern that Elder Wilson addressed, and one that I have
seen many, many times, is that of shielding our kids from consequences until
they turn 18 or 21, and suddenly jerking that shield away.
The poor kid is standing there, fat, dumb,
and happy, thinking he’s invulnerable, and suddenly one morning he rolls out of
his bunk and comes face to face with a hungry tiger called life.
I’ve never seen that listed as a form of
child abuse, but I’ve sure seen some kids wrecked by it.
We must also always remember that they are learning, and will
make mistakes that should not have lifelong effect on their self-respect.
My own parents were opposites in this.
If I made a mistake on something, Mom was
ready to write me off as genetically inferior and hopeless. (She’d use guilt
for this:
“I guess I’m just a failure as
a mother.
I’ve wasted my life and ruined
yours, too.
I don’t blame you for hating
me.”)
Dad was the coach who would show
me how to bind the wound, then take me to Peter Pan’s for a sundae and a
lesson.
He’d let me take the punch, but
was always there with encouragement, so that I always knew it was just part of
life, and that I could do better next time.
Those lessons were priceless to me.
One thing the Old Man didn’t have, though, was the Gospel
and the Priesthood.
He didn’t have the
Gift of the Holy Ghost to guide him, and he couldn’t give it to me.
He didn’t have the authority to bless
me.
He didn’t understand the Gospel
principle that I am a child of God.
As
it was, he did an amazing job of teaching me to be introspective and open to
the lessons.
As holders of the
priesthood, we have a much, much greater chance of imparting these attitudes to
our children.
There is another aspect of letting our children exercise
their agency and enjoy the consequences of their actions.
As priesthood holders, we have a unique
opportunity to grasp this, and to use it to the everlasting benefit of our
children. The idea that we are doomed by our mistakes is absolutely corrosive
to the human spirit.
As we allow our
children to take the punch, as Dad used to say, we must – MUST – convey to them
the knowledge that no matter what they do, they have available to them ultimate
perfection through The Atonement.
Christ has given us the chance to make good on our probation
through the use of our agency, but he has also stepped between us and the
consequences of our actions. As we teach
our children about accountability and responsibility, we must leaven those
lessons with the understanding that we are all flawed and unworthy, but we have
within our grasp the most amazing, incredible gift – a gift that literally
blots out all of those foolish things we will do in our lives. The lesson of standing tall and accepting
consequences should never exclude this fact of supreme mercy, lest they live in
terror of making a mistake, and that terror dull or dampen the joy they should
take in this mortal life.
In the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ,
amen.
